Goodbye To You

Greg Dobbs is no longer a Phillie.

I understand this is a sad day for all, especially since Dobbs was so goddamn terrible. I mean, the dude was batting .152 this year. He was absolutely useless considering he couldn't play the field (he was otherworldly bad at third) AND since he never got regular playing time he was struggling as a pinch hitter. Honestly, this might be addition by subtraction. (Granted, there is a chance he makes it through waivers and is optioned to Triple-A. However, he can simply refuse that assignment and go off on his merry way. I'm assuming a guy like him, who probably thinks he can contribute with regular playing time, will end up leaving and latching on somewhere. But who cares really?)

Ultimately though, we will remember Dobbs for his awesome 2008 season where he was the best pinch hitter in the history of time. He was a contributer on the World F-in' Champions, so for that we'll be forever grateful. And, of course, we'll always remember his grand salami against the Mets in '07. That hit helped the Phils sweep the Mets and moved them only 3.5 games back in early September. We all know what happened next.

Fuck the Mets. Love you forever, Lou Dobbs.

I Feel A Winning Streak Coming On

Jimmy Rollins was activated from the disabled list today and was immediately put back in the leadoff spot.

It's been said many times, but Rollins is what makes this team go. He may not be the ideal leadoff hitter, but this team just seems to perform way better when he's in there. This could be just what the Phils needed as they seek some consistency.

Prediction – Rollins propels this team to win 12 out of the next 15, saves a drowning cat, makes Paul O’Neil look like a bitch, and fixes that whole oil spill fiasco.

The fun begins tonight when the Cleveland Indians come to town and are promptly smothered to death by the swagger that drips off Rollins' shnuts.

Time For Your Dose Of Sixers Draft Preview

[By TWW friend Eric]

We’re less than a week away from the draft, so now is as good a time as any to take a step back, put together some lucid thoughts and discuss what we should expect on draft night.

There are basically three scenarios that could play out:

1. Draft Evan Turner (97% going to happen)
2. Draft Derrick Favors (2.9% chance of happening)
3. Trade with T-Wolves were we unload Brand’s contract and move down to #4 and get Cousins(.1% chance)

Prepare for the breakdown.

Boo This Man!

This is the guy responsible for several awful calls in the USA/Slovenia match including a bullshit call-back of the 3rd goal winner for the US. He is Koman Coulibaly from Mali. He's the reason we tied instead of won. He stinks.

USA Head Coach Bob Bradley: "I still don't know why the goal was disallowed."

Neither do we, Bob. Did the U.S. do something evil to Mali at some point (besides probably turning some of its people in slaves several hundred years ago)? According to Wikipedia, "Mali’s relations with the West in general and with the United States in particular have improved significantly". What the French, Toast? We ain't cool?

Koman Coulibaly, go back to Mali, play your Kora, and eat a diet heavily based on cereal grains you Darryl Strawberry-headed snake!

Sound The Vuvuzelas - DALEMBERT TRADED!

The day has come where all the frustrations of Samuel Dalembert have been lifted off Philadelphia basketball fans' shoulders. Sammy D is no longer a 76er. Like every other Philly sports fan with the ability to put together a complete thought, we here at TheWizWit have hated Sammy since day one. In case you forgot, THIS was the first post to ever appear on this blog.

You’ll be surprised how much my emotions shifted after hearing this news…

Rick Reilly Has A Vuvuzela Shoved Up His Hindquarters

Did you happen to catch Reilly’s article over on ESPN today? He seems to be awful bitchy about the World Cup.

Actually, pretty much just the vuvuzela in particular.

Dogmurder / Hogmurder

More people need to believe that Michael Vick is going to have a big year.  Are you a nonbeliever?

Think about it. It's so simple. You bring Vick in the first year -- maybe he's still a good player and maybe he isn't -- but it's worth a couple of million to find out. Plus, you still have Donovan Eff and KK Hogmurder to handle the majority of the dirty work. What do you find out?

Athletes on Weird Teams

So I was watching the Lakers game and I thought, "Wow, Karl Malone was a Laker at one point, wasn't he?"

Then I got to thinking of what other players ended their careers in strange jerseys. Then I thought, Durr, I should write a post about that.

I then realized that I'm stupid. There was sure to be a post about that somewhere already. So I searched. And found this one. Then this one. And this one.

So as I began to give up on the idea, I realized how much fun I was having looking at these over-the-hill superstars trying to squeeze in a couple more years of paychecks. Post was back on.

Sure, McNabb looks a bit weird in his Redskins jersey, but do you remember Patrick Ewing on the Sonics*? How about Reggie White (RIP) on the Panthers? Babe Ruth on the Boston Braves? What? Plenty of mindfucks here.

Michael Jackson and ET after the jump.

Worst. Pants. Ever.

This is Donovan McNabb at his charity football camp. And he’s wearing manpris.

Come on DMac...you really sporting those in public? Were all your jorts in the laundry?

I mean seriously, somehow these things are tight and baggy all at the same time. The length is ridiculous and the strings are even worse. There’s even a bit of flare at the bottom.

And quad pockets? I see that you've hidden your dignity in the bottom-right one. Good call.

[photo via misterirrelevant.com]

To Brighten Your Monday Morning

Just look at that split-second-too-late desperation lunge. Still funny.

The best part of the whole event to me were the ridiculously boisterous boos coming from the bar (and every bar on the block) whenever David Beckham was shown on the "tele." Turn that frown upside-down, Becks.

courtesy of With Leather.

UPDATE: this is too good to ignore