WHOA! WHOAAAAAAAAAAA!

This isn't exactly sports related, but it did happen in Philly. Fully understanding that this video may be old news and that it has little relevance to...well...anything, I think the people who frequent this blog are sure to appreciate the ridiculousness and disturbing hilarity of a FAT, DIRTY CRACKHEAD ROLLING AROUND ON THE NORTH PHILLY ASPHALT.

I've watched this clip countless times now and I'm still struggling to understand the circumstances. How can a crackhead get this fat?  Is he actually having a seizure? Why does the guy off camera ask him for milk?

If there really is intelligent life outside of our own planet, I truly hope this is the first footage they see of the human race. To steal a line from (of all places) the YouTube comments section: They see me rollin'...they hatin'....

WHOAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!



h/t the Deadspin comments section

Mike Vick's First Post-Prison Endorsement

Apparently Michael isn't getting paid for this, but it's nice to see the dude finally get a commercial. I'm just surprised that used car salesmen would risk their integrity doing a spot with a convicted felon. Those guys are usually beacons for righteousness and virtue.

On a side note, is there anything better than the plain, unofficial jerseys athletes are forced to wear in non-sanctioned advertisements? I wish I had a YouTube montage of them all. I would make it myself...but I have a day job. Get it done, Unemployed America!


h/t to Deadspin

Eagles 30, Cowboys 27: Autograph Night

We're going all pictures today, kids.

So what did we learn? Andy Reid Hammer Pants, StewBrad: Out, Mike Vick is Going to Die Soon, Running to the Westside, and Splash.

I Love You Cliff

<3

Fun With Rube's Wikipedia Page

The Phillies have signed muh-fuggin' Cliff Lee. I think we're all still in shock.  As the story broke and we awaited news that it was indeed true, Philadelphia's collective excitement went from dry-lazy-handjob-from-your-wife to drunken-passionate-unprotected-bathroom-sex. Considering just days ago signing Lee was an improbable pipe dream, last night will go down as one of the best moments of offseason baseball ever.

You have to give GM Ruben Amaro Jr. some serious props for getting this done.  While he may be a smug dickface during interviews, the man has a carefully laid out plan and knows what he's doing.  He straight up ganked Lee from the Yankees and Rangers -- for less money! 

Our loyal reader and All-Star commenter 'Eric' spent some time on Wikipedia last night and sent us this screengrab of Ruben's page before the Wiki Police changed it back.  Brilliant.

You may now continue to talk shit and rub this in the face of every Yanks and Mets fans you encounter today.

Go Phils!

Cole Hamels Is Our Fourth Starter

Welcome home, Clifton. Multiple reports have confirmed, Cliff Lee has agreed to a deal with the Phillies. Ruben, I take it all back. We all take it all back. We love you, so very, very much.

This is all so new, so fresh, it's hard to really believe it. However, barring some ridiculous turn of events, the Phillies now boast a rotation of Roy Halladay, Cliff Lee, Roy Oswalt and Cole Hamels. That doesn't even make sense.

Think about it this way: Roy Halladay, per Fangraphs.com WAR statistic, was the second most valuable pitcher in baseball last year. Number one? That would be Cliff Lee. Almost every team in baseball would kill to have Cole Hamels and Roy Oswalt as their top two starters. We have them. And we have Cliff Lee and Roy Halladay too.

I'm gonna go cry myself to sleep with happiness. Cliff, glad to have you back.

Oh, and fuck the Yankees.

I'm Gonna Pretend This Is All A Lie

Sometime in life you hear something so good, so unbelievable, that you are almost forced to believe it isn't true. After reading rumor after rumor earlier today about the possiblity that the Phillies had entered the Cliff Lee bidding at the 11th hour, I come home from the bar tonight to this tweet from Joel Sherman of the NY Post:

At thsi moment, #Yankees have become extremely negative about landing Lee and believing that he is edging toward #Phillies

Besides the fact he spelled "this" wrong...well...holy shit. There isn't much else to really say right now, especially since there is really very little chance of this happening. If reports of the Yankees $150 million bid are true, Lee would probably be leaving $50 million on the table to join the Phillies. It's true that he loved it here, but that's a lot of money to "go somewhere you love." Thankfully we won't have to wait very long, as Jon Heyman reported tonight that a deal could come tomorrow.

Let's hope it's Christmas come early this year in Philadelphia.

*fingers crossed*

Dolla Dolla Bills Yall: Week 14 NFL Spread Picks

It's amazing how many ridiculous shark related pictures one can find by performing a simple Google Image search.  It's quite fascinating.  I'm not totally sure what's going on in this photo, but it appears this gentleman is part of some sort of parade.  Granted, a shitty parade with only 15 people in attendance, but a parade nonetheless.  The real question is what this guy is celebrating?  I'm at a loss.  There aren't many clues besides Bicycle Shark Man, 'The Stock Man', and an '85 Sheepdog fast approaching.  He's got the Mardi Gras beads, so maybe this guy is entranced by some ladies big jugs.  At least that would explain why he's not able to straight in line with the rest of the parade.

Another week, another winning record.  Last weekend the Shark went 9-7, bringing the yearly total to 103-83-6.  Now let's make you some extra Christmas cash, shall we?

Have Too Much Disposable Income This Holiday Season?

FOX Sports is actually selling this Philadelphia Eagles “Cleatus Robot“ action figure. Now, if you’re anything like me, you DESPISE this robot with a passion for which words cannot express. I’m quite sure there isn’t one person in my circle of friends who finds this robot fun or amusing. With each passing year, I find myself growing more and more irritated. Why a robot?? And why must you force me to watch him doing knee bends, or the electric slide, or tussling with the Burger King???

Anyway, this annoying staple of the FOX NFL broadcast can be had for the low, low price of $30. Sure, you COULD provide 210 meals for hungry American families, but just look at this piece of high quality PVC plastic, complete with fully articulating joints!

Not only is this a horrific gift idea, but it’s grossly overpriced. So that got us thinking – what other terrible/stupid/overpriced NFL items are awaiting your hard earned gift-giving dollars?

Skeet In A Boat With Roy Halladay

If there’s something Roy Halladay loves more than baseball, it’s bass fishing. The photo above was taken during a recent fishing trip Halladay enjoyed with former Bassmaster Classic Champion, Skeet Reese. Like a six-year-old whose excitement won’t allow him to sleep on Christmas Eve, you just know our favorite little man got up extra early to get a jump on those fish. And because he is Roy Halladay, extra early probably meant getting there three days in advance while robotically working on his casting.

The trip was actually set up by the Phillies as a gift to Doc to commemorate his perfect game back in May. It’s a pretty cool thing to see a team taking care of its' players, going above and beyond to recognize their achievements, and seemingly doing it without a ton of fanfare.

Here’s a polite, gentlemanly golf clap to the Phils organization.

You can read the full escapade over at ESPN.